Excuse me, y’all, but I have to get deep for a minute.
The title of this post is inspired by Erika’s recent rant over at Black Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss. The content, however, is inspired by a recent cover story from The Washington Post and the outrage that erupted in the blogosphere. What was the problem? Well, according to a recent study conducted by The Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation, 66% of African-American women who are “overweight” or “obese” report high levels of self-esteem. This is a full 25 percentage points higher than the self-esteem levels reported by “average” or “thin” white women.
So, in other words, fat black women have the nerve to think well of themselves, even though their slim, white counterparts do not.
*long slow blink*
Now, to be fair, the outcries in anger and disgust were not limited to the ladies on the above-linked site. Just check the comments section of any of the other articles posted about this topic – like those at Oh Hell Nawl, The GRIO and the original article from the Post – and you will see that there is venom to spare. And, judging from the comments, it seems that no one hates a fat black woman more than other black people.
As I poured (briefly – because that’s all I could handle) through the pages and pages of responses to the Post article across the net, one singular thought kept popping into my head: Why does MY self-esteem as a fat black woman bother you so much? I’m not going to debate whether one can be “fat” and “fit” (although the size 14 aerobics instructor featured in the article certainly proves that one can be). It’s already well established that obesity is linked to diabetes, heart disease and a host of other ailments. But, let’s take health out of the equation for a moment. Because I don’t believe for one minute that those who declare fat hatred in the name of “health” truly care about the well-being of those who are overweight or obese — otherwise they wouldn’t inflict such cruel mental and emotional assaults upon them.
It seems I’m not the only one who questions why high self-esteem is a “problem” for overweight black women. Check out Demetria Lucas‘s coverage of a different study with a similar outcome in her essay, Real Talk: Curvy Girls Should Be Proud.
Instead, let’s return to my original question: Why does MY self-esteem as a fat black woman bother you so much? I mean, honestly and truly, people seem *offended* by the notion that a fat black woman could have self-confidence and a positive self-image. I pondered and pondered this notion until a lightbulb went off in my head …. Yes, of course! Slim fit black people railing against fat black people is pretty much the equivalent of Bill Cosby going off on the black underclass. Or, if you prefer a more in-your-face example, check out this clip from the HBO movie First Time Felon. (Due to the strong nature of the language in this clip, I strongly advise you to watch this at home. And, if you’re offended by the N-word or the F-word, then, uh, you might not want to watch at all.) The basic idea is summed up in this simple statement by an older prison guard to a young inmate: “White people look at me and see you . . . and that kills me . . . .”
It seems to me that the reason slim black people are so hard on their heftier brothers and sisters is simply because we represent that stereotype we are all fighting so hard to overcome. For black women, in particular, it’s the Mammy Figure. As I mentioned previously, this is why I gave Michelle Obama the semi-side-eye when she announced her anti-obesity initiative. In the same way that I, with all of my middle class values, might turn up my nose at the antics of Lil’ Wayne and Nicki Minaj because of the perceived ignorance they display on a global stage, slender black women feel threatened by the proud existence of someone like me.
But you know what? I made peace a while back with the fact that it takes all kinds in the world. And even though some uninformed person might look at me and see a Mammy or a “Mary”, I know that as soon as I open my mouth I will dispel such beliefs. So, I no longer get offended by the nonsense displayed on reality television or in hip-hop culture because I know that neither the Basketball Wives nor Young Money represent me. Instead I’m able to sit back and enjoy it for what it is – entertainment. And I ain’t gonna lie. I have been jamming off of “6 Foot 7 Foot” for a minute.
So, what do I say to those who have an issue with MY self-esteem? Why don’t you spend some time evaluating why you care so much about how *I* feel about *my* body, hmmm?
— curvyceo
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Girl. Preach. I can’t be bothered by what others think of me. I’m just trying to be a productive member of society. If someone isn’t paying my grocery or medical bills, I don’t want their opinion.
Great post! Stumbled upon it via Twitter.
I wondered on another forum why people… especially other Black women across the Blogosphere, are so PRESSED by how a certain sub-group of women live their lives– particularly if they’re healthy!
I don’t think the article’s intent (as annoying as it is) was to justify obesity. I think they were merely featuring a group of fuller-figured Black women, who just happen to live fulfilling, active lives and are happy! Imagine that… a HAPPY FATTY. How DARE they be happy??
People expect fuller-figured Black women to be at home, date-less and eating our woes away… when nothing could be further from the truth Lol.
Not only are plus-size detractors self-entitled and self-righteous, but they seem to be under the impression that succumbing to a certain, societal aesthetic automatically guarantees a skinny person a quality spouse, sex, and happiness… Um, I know a lot of miserable, under-sexed fit folks and a lot of out of shape skinny folks who suffer from health problems… and I can attest to the fact that skinny doesn’t automatically equal happiness, better health, or better dating prospects.
I honestly think some folks feel threatened by anybody who dares challenge their notion of what’s healthy or attractive. One of the blogs you linked featured nothing more than a bunch of Black women being hateful and mocking as if they’re somehow better *just because* they’re thin. These women who berate plus-size other women for their weight, are the *same* ones throwing shade at a plus-size woman who’s IN THE GYM! It’s like you can’t win for lose! People should re-evaluate why someone else’s personal brand of happiness affects them to such a degree and question their own culpability in feeding into these articles that continue to examine Black women, our bodies, and our sex lives.
Thank you for stopping by and your prolific comments! Hope you will continue to visit!
i love this post! while i do care what others have to say about me, i DO NOT let it consume me. i think to say that we don’t care at all what people say or think about us is unrealistic. we are human so in one way or another, we DO care. but only to a certain extent. while i can be a littl healthier, i am happy with myself and my body. so all in all, that’s all that matters. i listen to what others say and take their advice or leave it…i decide whose words affect me (for the most part).
~nic
You do make a great point – it’s just human nature to care what other people think…and ultimately up to the individual how s/he let’s others’ opinions affect hin/her. However, I do find that the happiest people I know are the ones who don’t give a rip what others have to say – whether negative or positive. Thanks for commenting!
Ok, so I just took a look at the poll the Washington Post & Kaiser put out…in a nutshell: it’s a hot mess and you can’t discern anything of worth on questions such as,”Please tell me whether you agree or disagree with the following statement: I see myself as someone who has high self-esteem. Do you agree strongly, agree somewhat, disagree somewhat, disagree strongly or neither agree or disagree?”(which is the ONLY question they asked about self-esteem). What I find interesting is the fact that though the article highlighted this aspect, they didn’t talk about how black women rated ,”I’m going to read you a list of some things that different people value in their lives. Please tell me how important each thing is to you personally…Living a healthy lifestyle?”. Black women rated that as being Very Important 90%, with Black men taking the lead at 92%. What does that say about how we view ourselves?
This is the type of divisive, sensational journalism that only serves to highlight our differences and personal struggles more than our similarities.
Oh and FYI: The BMI chart everyone uses to label each other is based on the same height and weight calculations used on white military men in the 1950s… while being aware of what others think of you is useful, it should be taken with a grain of salt. I’m willing to bet that some of the vehemence that “skinny” people exposed on the article & elsewhere has to do with their own struggles to stay in that shape because they believed that society’s mantra- you’ll be happy when you’re skinny- and it turns out not to be true.